The Top 20 Types of Wayang Singaporeans
1. You willingly give up your seats to your love ones because you are a gentleman but when you get a seat on the bus or train, you will fall asleep immediately when you see a stranger who needs it more boards the bus or train.
2. You are eager to pay tens of thousands for a car when the COE prices of cars drop by a few thousand dollars but gripes about the ERP rates increasing by 50 cents.
3. You are proud of our clean streets but are not willing to allow the foreign workers who are responsible for keeping our streets clean to stay near your home.
4. Your tell your children and foreign friends not to litter in Singapore because it is wrong but you dump your rubbish casually when you are travelling overseas.
5. You complain that you can’t get a taxi at peak hours in places such as Orchard Road but you complain about the taxi surcharges designed to encourage taxis to be available at peaks hours in popular areas.
6. You remember the date when the solar eclipse is supposed to happen or the birthdays of popular Korean pop stars but you are not sure which year Singapore got our independence.
7. You complain about ungracious Singaporeans and service staff but you don’t even say hello to your fellow neighbours.
8. You complain that the HDB flats are getting smaller but you will jump at the opportunity to upgrade to an equally cramp condominium once you can afford it.
9. You willingly queue at popular food stalls for more than an hour, queue overnight for that prized condominium launch or for the Primary school space for your children, but writes to the Straits Times Forum to complain when there is a long queue at government counters.
10. You complain that there is no work-life balance to your employers but are unwilling to give your maid a day off once a month.
11. You tell your friends and the newspapers that speaking Singlish is about National pride and identity lah but will immediately speak with a foreign accent when talking to your Western friends.
12. You will be touched and donate to support a cause if you know about it from the TV or papers but you will always throw away the letters appealing for monthly automated donations by established charities.
13. You complain that Great Singapore Sale is so so only but is willing to spend a few hundred dollars to fly to Hong Kong for your shopping sprees because they are (slightly) cheaper.
14. You complain about the economy and job market and your stagnant pay but is not willing to forgo your latest handphone or car or air-conditioning or plasma TV or restaurant dining because they are necessities.
15. You complain that Singapore needs the opposition but cringe and are unwilling to vote when the opposition campaigns in your estate as it may affect your property’s price.
16. You claim that National Service is a waste of time but will gladly bore your girlfriends and wives to talk about the “good old days” in your camps with your old buddies from the Army.
17. You think that racial harmony is about dressing up in our ethnic costumes on Racial Harmony Day but do not bother to understand what is important to the other races.
18. You complain that there is not enough time to meet up with your friends but you will always have time for your Facebook games and TV shows.
19. You tell your friends that Singapore is so boring but you have not been to the Lim Chu Kang farm, nor have you visited the mangroves at Chek Jawa, and you have not been BBQing at East Coast Park for years.
20. You enjoy reading WayangTimes.com but pretend that you have not heard about this website.
These are entries to a Washington post competition asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line, and the least romantic second line:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
– that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
Who says our English is terok?
See below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point and effective!
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Asian: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Asian: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Asian: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Asian: No-need lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Asian: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Asian: Don't be shy lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Asian: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Asian: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Asian: You mad ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Asian: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Asian: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Asian: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Asian: Wat happen.. Why like that....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you..
Asian: like that also don't know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me..
Asian: Siam la u!
The best adult jokes contest 2009 through cellphone texts/smses in U.S.A.
1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."
(2) Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later>>Immigrant Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."
(3) After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."
(4) Women's lives are hard. Morning, wash clothes. Noon, hang clothes.
Evening, keep clothes. Nite, iron clothes.
Midnight, take off clothes. After midnight, find clothes.
(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.
(7) A Sad story>> A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said,
" Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
(  Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"
(9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."
(10) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
(11) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."
(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.
 |
Soldier 
