There is always a reason for the no link.

Sometimes I just do not want to be reminded of something bad or disastrous the day before...etc

It's like you kinda have to move on. Even for the happiest thing, we got to move on. To me, fun or sad is just like an illusion. No matter how fun or bad that moment was, you got to face reality and remind yourself: "Hey, I did better sleep early, I have school/work tomorrow." unless probably it's holiday for you but hook or by crook, just keep moving. No point thinking of what happen yesterday. because there are always problems that are for tomorrow.

I come to realize this after I was "kick" out of the OP regiment. 

After I graduated from OP in 2005, I can't seem to move on. I always yearn to go back every time when I am free. OF course it is great experiencing secondary school life from a graduate angle and knowing that the teachers & stall vendors still knows you. Given the opportunity to teach is fabulous. Though there is always work, there is always fun on the other hand.

After the SYF outdoor during the earlier part of 2008, I no longer goes back to OP. For that moment, I do yearn to go back so much. But after around half a month/2 weeks, I did not bother thinking of how to get myself into the band. Slowly, I forgotten OP(Really OK! bleax). I even forgotten their names & how they look. The furthest I can ever remember is people until Rasul's Batch. The rest I totally forgotten. It took me quite some time yesterday at the BBQ to remember who they are or I even had to ask them for their names.

O.o not gonna stray away from my point! 

and so after that period of time not having the chance to go back again, I sometimes ponder on what I have been doing this year 2008. I was thinking what if i am still in OP, will I be more busier or relax, or rather if I am not in OP, am I more busier or relax. Of course I did not just compare OP with NAFA. But I compared other things too with NAFA. Like friends & NAFA...etc.

The reason for pondering such thoughts is to let me analyze whether have I wasted my time & days on unnecessary daily objective in school. Of course I didn't mean that OP is a waste of time. But rather have I use my time wisely daily to reach my objective short term & long term.

The conclusion of the pondering is, 

I am really happy that I was "kick-out" of OP.

1. I am more free to focus my time in NAFA.

2. I am given more opportunity to job hunt for myself rather than relying on Clarence Tan for a fix job. ( of course it's hard finding ^__^. But i had experience at least & won't be so dumb to be like spoon fed all the time)

3. I know how to move on and deter my own path in life after that Drama back in OP. I no longer get stuck.

4. I actually do much better in school. Especially passing all my modules.

5. I got myself a teaching job in another school. It is tough teaching there, but I had to persevere on & tell myself that nothing in life is ever spoon fed. It is really tough not knowing what to do/teach with the kids in that school. Back in OP, Mr Tan tells me what to do.

Now, I really have to do the thinking job too...I really have to see what I have to teach to match up to the conductors needs. Sometimes I just blank out & I made mistakes when teaching.

Of course after teaching for about 8 lessons, I have not really gotten a grip in what to do with them.

It is tough knowing that I started out knowing I got to prepare them for NBC. Which after 2 lessons, there is a break. Then after sometime, was told to teach and I taught them basics. Next was their exam and there was a break. When exam is over, I resume teaching and have to start from scratch and I taught them new fundamentals. Due to some issues over at Accent Music, my friends & I are apparently fired. So we stop teaching for 2 weeks and after that was asked by the conductor to resume teaching. The latest teaching I taught was during a combine session they had.

The numerous breaks just cause me to have no direction. Whether to start every time back from fundamentals, or should I continue. But if I continue, I am sure their mind is brainwashed & have forgotten everything. 

So it is really challenging. I feel that from the start i teach till now, there is no directions. I don see my students improving and this is infuriating. Knowing that I am employed, I have to deliver results. But I don see the results I want. 

1 thing I am happy is that OP method is good. I can really see my results there. But well, this new school have taught me that, there is always more things out there to learn than to stay at one's comfort zone. 

YUP...I am glad to be part of OP once.

But NOW, I am glad that I am no longer going back & can actually try out new things. (no doubt it sucks coz nobody tells me what to do. & finding job to teach is hard U KNOW...=X)

I see myself grow actually... To be more responsible & taking charge...^___^

Agent Sebastian