OUR ARMY: The Decisive Force

Jokes people...

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he notices smoke coming out of the chimney and assumes that someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost down to the ground answers.

The old man squints. "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a place to sleep all that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight."

The old man says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter." The man, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." The old Chinese man replies, "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests known to man." "OK, OK," the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

That night, when the man came down to eat, he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, he had spent many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather. They both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but they did keep the noise to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Next morning the man awoke feeling a heavy weight. He opened his eyes and saw a huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "First Chinese Torture Test: 100-pound rock on your chest." "What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "Second Chinese Torture Test: Rock tied to right testicle." The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumped out the window after the rock. Outside the window was a third sign saying "Third Chinese Torture Test: Left testicle tied to bedpost."

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young student nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young student replies, "I don't know I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask,"Nurse are my testicles black?"

Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look and says,"There is nothing wrong with them."

Fnally the mans pulls off his oxygen mask and replies
"That as very nice but, I asked ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horney and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"

Recently I have been putting my image to match my celebrity look...Turns out really fine...^___^
But the pictures I took are not professional enough. Therefore,I must get a professional photo taken. By then when I match my celebrity face, It will be more promising...!!

home is so boring...playing o2gem really makes me wanna die...
playing many rounds just makes me bored...

TaiYoukai Sebastian
"There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors,
and no slave who has not had a king among his."